are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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