I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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