I'm going to jail i love you
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
