listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
