I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
