Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
