This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You are the jesus of drinking
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
