Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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