I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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