I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We named our party play list daddy issues
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
