I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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