Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
