Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
