it wasn't lemon gatorade
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
