we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
