Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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