so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
