How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.