do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.