I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?