there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.