Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox