its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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