God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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