thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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