Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
