You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
