she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
