I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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