Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
