FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
