you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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