dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Say something about gay babies.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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