Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize