I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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