So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Say something about gay babies.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
