well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
