Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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