I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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