the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
