please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
