That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
