I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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