Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
