He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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