I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
