You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
