haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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