Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
