I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
