You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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