Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
