i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize