After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
