This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He better not be in your backpack
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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