I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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