I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
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I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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