i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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