New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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