You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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