I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
