At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
