Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize