im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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